Discipline or not

I did not make any notes after our Ohio trip, not because we didn't have a great time, we did. I am learning a lot about myself, one thing is that self-discipline may not be a hidden attribute.
One aspect of my life that I am feeling very unsettled about is cynicism, I am happy (?) to report. Without giving away TMI about my childhood, I learned somehow not to look forward to events, to trust that things would work out or to think that being with people could be fun without some deep sadness to come. I am now suspecting that my job as a journalist reaffirmed all of that and added a general distain for anything that smacked of joy. I am still looking at things with those same distrustful eyes but there is something that is speaking-up; about positive things, it says "hey, leave it be, enjoy it, don't say something sarcastic" and for bad news it says "have a good thought for somebody involved and turn away."
I know this is so sappy and corny, it is a good thing very few people, if any read this. It is very exciting for me, I am enjoying the times that I play with just being and enjoying the things and people around me.
This feeling was very strong in Ohio, around Amy and Jenny, their friends and community. Here's a fun moment at the art show with Jenny and Ryan with us as Amy talked up the art in the background; close-up of a polar bear that Ryan felted and Chris bought as a talisman for his upcoming Greenland adventure; Amy with the wonderful James and Ellie; one of the doggies that stars in a illustrated book, peeking from under the table during the book launch; and finally Chris and I before the waterfall that give Chagrin Falls its name (and I am NOT thinking 'how tacky!')